Memories
by Hinalilly
Summary: The Holiday season is usually littered with moments of remembrance, of looking back into times of happiness and strife alike, of thinking of those things and people that have brought joy into our lives. In which the boys remember and realize a few things about themselves and each other. College!AU RinHaru fluff (tumblr Sharkbait Secret Santa entry)


Cross-posted to AO3

**A/N:** As the summary says, this was my Sharkbait Secret Santa entry for the sharkbait-muses tumblr event. The prompt requested fluff, and I admit I had a whole lot of fun writing this. I figured needed more RinHaruRin, so here you go! Enjoy~

(One day I won't spend 100000+ hours trying to figure out what to rate my stories. Today is not that day.)

* * *

There were more than quite a few moments Rin Matsuoka kept close in his memories.

He clearly remembered when he had first stepped into and stared at his empty dorm room in something akin to disgust. It hadn't been particularly small or dirty, quite the contrary, it had practically shone immaculate with lack of use. However, Rin's displeasure had not been directed at the room itself, but rather at the prospect of what his roommate would be like. After having dropped his luggage unceremoniously beside the bed he had claimed as his with a groan, Rin had recalled his days in Samezuka with a bittersweet shiver. He had grown rather fond of Ai after spending all those years rooming with him (enough to still keep his number after graduation), but his complete lack of organization and tidiness was something Rin had been fairly certain he would never, ever come to miss. He had been secretly wishing college dorm life would be different, but even with all his hopes intact he had still been unable to help the miserable glance he had thrown around the room, almost as if trying to record its perfectly orderly state before his roommate eventually upset the balance. Rin had been right in the middle of sweeping his gaze along the bed opposite to the one he had been currently sitting on when the bathroom door had opened, revealing a black-haired man with electrifying blue eyes (wide as he had stared at Rin in surprise) still fairly wet with shower water and wearing nothing but a towel over his shoulders and a knee-length black swimsuit. The staring down had lasted but a few seconds, for the man had quickly returned to minding his own business, toweling his hair dry as he moved through the room with familiarity to fetch a change of clothes from their shared closet, and it had been then when Rin had discovered the room had not been vacant after all.

Haruka Nanase was an oddity to Rin. He had proved to be a person with few possessions, but those he had brought along with him he had always kept in perfect order and, more importantly, out of Rin's way. There had not been a single time when Rin had had to kindly suggest making some order around the room, nor when he had found the other's clothes mixed wildly with his in the laundry basket (Rin shuddered each time he remembered with horror what that had been like with Ai around). If not for Haruka's own presence or the physical space occupied by his clothes in the closet, Rin would have sworn he had had the room all to himself.

After such a strong and slightly unconventional first impression, it had not taken long for Rin to figure out Haruka's love for swimming. In truth, the word love was an understatement in this case, and Rin had been thrilled to find someone who could rival his own passion for the sport (even if one of Haruka's quirks involved him not caring about times or competitions, which irked Rin a little more than he was comfortable to admit). That fact alone had served to make the two otherwise polar opposites bond quickly and almost strangely, and many eyes had turned whenever cool and slightly arrogant (with reason) Matsuoka would bark with laughter through the halls flanked by silent and aloof Nanase. They had been well known for disagreeing often and competing against each other practically 24/7 (their swimming races had become almost legendary around campus), but even through their constant bickering nobody had regarded the two of them as anything other than healthy rivals and friends.

Perhaps every point Haruka (now Haru, after he had made it clear he would not accept any other nickname nor mentions of his full, girly name) had earned with his positive traits had been active in his subconscious mind for longer than he had imagined, because when Rin had begun his search for a decent apartment to move into after college was over and done with, he had not even finished processing the thought before he had found himself asking the other, with boredom seeping into his voice, if he wanted to rent something together with him. Haru's reply had been a short and equally disinterested "Sure," and before they both knew it they had been attaching their identical keys to matching keychains (a horrible freak of nature that Haru seemed set on believing was actually cute, but as much as Rin wanted to disagree with him, it had been handmade and he was not going to throw it away).

Even after moving in together, there had still been an invisible barrier between what was Rin's and what was Haru's, and the two of them never stepped outside their boundaries unless they were on common ground, like whenever they agreed to do the dishes together. Haru had continued to be a mostly quiet companion to all of Rin's frustrations and complaints, putting up with him when he was both moody and overly energetic with complacent silence. But not everything had been free rein for Rin to do as he pleased. Haru had been quite vocally opposed to Rin's constant nagging for them to keep decent meat rations in the fridge, arguing that mackerel was the better choice, and Rin had found with anger and a little bit of shock that that was one point in which they would never come to an agreement in. Rin had been used to Haru's longer than usual showers while they were in college, but when the latter had been insistent that their apartment had a proper bathtub (that having been his only condition for the selection of their new accommodation), the redhead had definitely not expected to be subjected to ages and ages of waiting for Haru to get out of the goddamn water. On more than one occasion he had actually stepped inside and practically pulled him out himself, once he had learned that, one, worrying was useless, and two, Haru leisurely soaked in the water with his swimsuit on more often than not.

One of Rin's most vivid memories was the one involving his tracksuit. He remembered he had been running a little late after his early morning jog and had changed in a hurry, without enough time to wait until Haru decided to get out of the bath and let him clean himself up a little. He had dropped his tracksuit on his bed to deal with it after work, but upon returning home he had found it already clean and neatly folded, exactly where he had left it. At that moment, he would have rather believed in the existence of magical housekeeping gnomes than in the fact that Haru had gone out of his way to do his half of the laundry as well. Rin had found out almost immediately afterwards, when his curiosity had led him to check his theory, that the rest of his clothes were still in need of washing, but his tracksuit alone (his favorite one, too) had been properly taken care of. The gesture should not have touched him as much as it had, but Haru usually continued to stay out of Rin's way, and yet it was clear that in that small intrusion he had consciously and purposefully broken their unspoken "what's yours is yours, what's mine is mine" rule. Rin had eventually filed it as an isolated incident, and had avoided making any mention of it to his roommate. Haru had said nothing about it either, but ever since that moment Rin had started to become more and more aware of the way in which Haru seemed to be less detached and more attentive in his actions than he had initially given him credit for.

There had been one time when Rin had come home particularly pissed off after an idiot, as he had put it, had started a stupid argument with him at the gym over the use of the machines and how Rin seemed to hog them, which he obviously did not (he _definitely_ did not). Rin knew that Haru could have cared less about it, and yet he had not said a single word as Rin had ranted on and on and on about it for a good portion of the evening, putting his own work on hold as he listened to the redhead over glasses of water and cold beer, respectively. Haru had spoken only after Rin had finished blabbering, and his only comment had been the question "Did you punch him?" When Rin had said he had not, the other had cleared the table in silence, taking everything back to the kitchen with a muttered "You should have." The next morning had received Rin with the intense aroma of coffee, even though he knew for a fact that Haru favored tea instead. In his stupor, he had barely managed to react when Haru tagged along uninvited with him to the gym that day.

Both episodes had been eating at Rin's insides for days, as he had been dying to repay Haru's kindness. While his actions would not have seemed anything extraordinary to an outsider, they had hit something deep inside Rin, who knew Haru was not one to get involved in other people's problems, and it all had left him clueless as to how to properly return the favor without being painfully obvious about it. Rin had failed time and time again to find an excuse to do something nice for the other, and on more than one occasion he had almost given in to being blunt about it. However, the opportunity had presented itself out of nowhere, when the front door had slammed shut audibly one day, snapping Rin out of his concentration and his spreadsheets filled with calorific values and training menus. There had been an evident frown on Haru's face when he had walked right past him, and the way in which he had immediately dropped his things off to head straight into the bath did little to hide his displeasure. Haru never talked about his problems, so Rin already knew it was pointless to ask, but he had still done so anyway, and Haru had promptly brushed him off with a curt "It's nothing," as he always did. Rin's insistence had been rewarded only with silence, and when Haru took even longer in the bath than usual, Rin had simply barged in as was expected of him, an idea having already solidified in his head while he had been waiting. Instead of the usual squabble, Rin had countered Haru's deadly glare with a short "We're going out," and the out-of-place remark had Haru widening his eyes in confusion before diving further into the water, blowing bubbles stubbornly through his nose. But a determined Rin was just as stubborn, especially when the redhead knew he had the winning hand. He had propped himself against the door frame, arms crossed in feigned disinterest while dealing the killing blow. As expected, the words "There's a new seafood restaurant a few blocks from here" and "I just got my paycheck" worked their magic instantly, and for once in a long time Haru had gotten out of the bath willingly (swimsuit on, of course), though not without slight protest about how bothersome the whole eating out thing was. He had eventually spilled, between assorted plates of fish and a few glasses of wine, about how a client had asked for a revision that involved practically starting the entire project from scratch, and Rin had found his unscripted praise of Haru's art earned him a stare than was a tad bit brighter and lasting than usual. He had been pretty certain it had not been the wine's fault.

His next vivid memory involved an event that had occurred a few weeks later, and Rin had been certain back then that Haru had been just as secretly eager for the chance to repay him as he himself initially had. That had been the only plausible explanation in Rin's mind when he had come home to the sound of sizzling meat, and for a moment he had wondered if perhaps he had walked into the wrong house by mistake. But indeed, his senses had been right and Haru had cooked what could only be described as a mouth-watering feast, and Rin clearly recalled joking about how he had probably picked the wrong major and should have taken up cooking instead. That time, Haru had not stared back, but Rin was absolutely certain he had seen a ghost of a smile on his lips that night.

From that point onwards, Rin had worked extra hard to get Haru to smile for him again (_that one from before totally counts_, he had repeated to himself over and over). He remembered a few times when he had gotten quite close to his goal, like that one time he had faked a joint trip to the swimsuit store to land them both at the aquarium instead (Haru had still dragged him to the store the following day), or that other time when they had stumbled while cleaning upon an old photo album that Rin's mother had forced him to take with him when he had moved out. Rin was sure Haru had been torn between looking away and laughing straight to his face, and instead his expression had ended up in a weird in-between scrunched-up frown-pout-lip-biting look of uncertainty. In spite of the never-ending teasing and snarky retorts that had followed the incident for days on end, that was one moment Rin always recalled with fondness.

Trying to get Haru to smile had led Rin to get to know him better, and each passing day had become one more memory, and each memory that piled up held closer and closer to his heart. Being dragged out too late for his liking to buy more fish because they had ran out only to end up feeding it to the stray cats roaming around their building, then rushing right back to the store to get more before it closed for the day. Getting into a huge argument over Haru's refusal to work out to a competitive level which had ended up in them not talking to each other for weeks and Rin moving back in briefly with his parents while waiting for an apology (before his sister had knocked some sense into his head), only to find Haru had never changed the locks of what was still _their_ apartment. Finding out how easy it was to share an umbrella because Haru had a knack for purposefully forgetting to take one with him whenever the forecast announced heavy rainfall. Noticing Haru's stare on him whenever he thought Rin was not looking. Stealing a few glances at Haru when he was concentrated in his work, or focused on cooking his fish (and wondering if perhaps Haru was just as aware of his eyes on him as well). Feeling the soft warmth of Haru's skin when their hands accidentally touched over the kitchen counter while dishes were being cleaned. Watching how Haru's eyes seemed to widen and turn just a little bit bluer whenever their gazes met.

It was not even close to the holidays yet but Rin still remembered, and all of those memories were centered on the quiet man with the bluest and most gorgeous eyes he had ever seen who was currently sitting in front of him, finishing his dinner placidly and without a word.

There were way too many memories and feelings to count, and it was with all those thoughts in his mind that Rin looked up from his recently finished plate of mackerel (damned if he admitted he was starting to like that thing, he thought to himself) to look at Haru, and his tone was simple and matter-of-factly when he said "We should start dating." Just like when he had suggested they share an apartment, Rin had not fully finished forming the thought in his mind before it had slipped through his lips naturally, instinctively. Meanwhile Haru, who had stood up a few moments earlier and was in the middle of clearing the table, stopped his motions for only one brief second at Rin's words, his eyes widening slightly much like the very first time they had met (Rin remembered so very clearly), and then returned right back to his chores, replying with an equally simple and casual "Sure." There was an instant of uncertainty during which Rin did not know what to make of that reply. He did not know if he was more surprised at Haru's lack of concern with the idea of dating, or at the fact that he had agreed to it so quickly and calmly. He figured it would not hurt to clear up any possible misunderstandings, and kept watching Haru as he piled the tableware together. "I mean, dating as in, each other," he said, head lazily propped on one hand, appearing nonchalant but secretly growing more and more nervous inside when Haru's silence dragged on as he walked with the plates to the kitchen. Haru's voice then carried without warning through the air in an impassive "I know" before the sound of the open faucet drowned any other reply completely, and Rin was glad for it, because he was pretty certain his heart was doing cartwheels in his chest at the moment.

What Rin did not know, however, was that in the kitchen, among the sound of the running water and the smell of lemon-scented detergent, Haru was smiling warmly to himself.

* * *

Most of Haruka Nanase's memories were a blur in his head. Nothing seemed like it was particularly worth keeping for him, and the feelings that he mostly resorted to in order to ease himself, like when he was swimming or when he was immersed in his art, he could escape to at the flick of a finger.

There was one memory, however, that was firmly etched in his mind, and that he could produce with film-like clarity at any given moment.

He clearly remembered the moment in which he had opened the bathroom door of his college dorm room to find his roommate sitting on the bed opposite to his own, his intense red gaze fixed on him with mild surprise. Haru could evoke each wine-colored hair in his head, each fold of his clothing, each rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in that fraction of a second during which they had stared at each other for the very first time.

The rest, he did not need to remember, because from that moment onwards the thoughts of the redhead had never left his mind.

Haru unwillingly smiled into the bite of Christmas cake he was currently taking, and saw Rin raising his eyebrows at him from the corner of his eye, the unsaid "What is it now?" floating in the air between them.

"It's nothing," Haru replied as he set his now empty plate and fork down on the small coffee table in front of them, sitting back against the couch immediately after, and not bothering to be subtle in the least when he snuggled further against Rin moments later. When eyebrows were raised again at him, Haru simply shrugged and added, his voice forever steady and firm. "I suppose I always knew you'd be a bother."

Rin's reply came in the form of a cocky grin, stretching to set his plate on the table as well before he wrapped his arms around Haru's shoulders, and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Haru," he said sweetly, and in his touch and his words alone, Haru could once again hear all the seemingly countless 'I love you's that Rin had ever said to him (_exactly 156 so far, not counting variations_, he reminded himself). Turning his head towards him, Haru repaid him with a kiss of his own, and almost chuckled at how Rin's lips tasted like frosting. It was simple, it was easy (when Rin wasn't being insufferable, but he could manage), and in all his years of minding his own business, it was everything he had never known he needed.

"Merry Christmas, Rin," he echoed quietly, and when the redhead's smile turned gentle and adoring, Haru found himself taking the second best mental snapshot of his life.


End file.
